Chief Snack Officer (CSO) - Fulltime

About the role:

We’re looking for someone who can passionately guard the office snack supply, prevent cookie shortages, and negotiate peace treaties over the last slice of pizza. This position requires an advanced ability to detect when the chip bag is dangerously low and the courage to act swiftly.

Responsibilities:

• Maintain diplomatic relations between coffee drinkers and tea enthusiasts.

• Conduct regular inventory checks (a.k.a. eating snacks).

• Provide motivational speeches when the Wi-Fi crashes.

• Test new snack flavors to ensure quality control.

Qualifications:

• Must have at least 5 years of experience in snacking (professional or recreational).

• Strong background in procrastination, with the ability to “look busy” on demand.

• Proven track record of identifying the good meeting donuts before they disappear.

• Ability to keep a straight face on Zoom while muted.

Perks:

• Unlimited supply of air (self-serve).

• Occasional compliments from coworkers who mistake your hoodie for “business casual.”

• Access to top-secret office gossip.

We look forward to hearing from you!